Eunoia

Eunoia(Episode 6)

Mon, 12 Jun 2023 18:41:41 GMT

Till When.....

Episode 6

Nora sat on her bed blocking out their yelling, she heard a soft knock on her door and saw David come into her room with a teddy bear in hand. She smiled softly and scooted over to make room for him on the bed, he hopped in and she saw the tear streaks on his cheek and her heart broke.

“ Do you want me to read you a story?”

He nodded and she took out his favorite book from her bedside table.

“Once upon a time….” She began.

Nora watched her seven year old brother sleep, he looked so peaceful sucking his thumb and holding his teddy bear close. She kissed his forehead and pulled the blanket over him and finally let the tears out. Every night he came into her room, scared of their yelling and she smiled and comforted him. She wanted him to feel safe, she wanted to reassure him that despite the yelling he had her, it was her duty to be there for him. But who was there for her? Who comforted her and held her as she cried? No one, she couldn’t bring herself to tell her friends what was going on, they would not understand or worse they would stop talking to her. She couldn’t tell her aunt that would be airing out her family’s dirty laundry. This was the best option for everyone, her silence and taking care of her brother herself

Nora hummed to her favorite song as she made breakfast, she decided to make David’s favourite, pancakes. She ignored her father’s drunken snores from the sofa, her mother had already left for work before she woke up, she left money for food and a note saying she’d be home late. Nora again had to prepare all the meals, clean up and take her brother to school. She had already cleaned up the broken glass from last night's fight, done the dishes and showered ready for school. David was putting on his school uniform as she prepared breakfast and then they would leave for school hopefully before their father woke up. She couldn’t let David be there to watch the aftermath of his drunken nights, he would be angry and would yell and break everything in sight, she was always scared that one day that won’t be enough to satisfy his rage and he would turn on them and no she couldn’t think about that. She always promised herself that if that ever happened she would take David and leave, she did not know where to but they would be out of that house.

A dysfunctional family is one in which the relationships between the members do not follow the norm and are strained and unfulfilling. In such families, the members mostly feel emotionally and at times physically unsafe. Various situations and dynamics create a dysfunctional family

Parents with mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, narcissism and at times addiction. This prevents parents from being emotionally and physically present in healthy ways. Children moreso the eldest children may be forced to take on the parental role and lose their childhood in the process.
Emotional and physical abuse. This can be in various ways for example when one parent abuses the other or both parents abuse the children or when one sibling abuses the other. The abuse could include emotional manipulation, These situations make the children develop unhealthy coping mechanisms and affect their emotional development. They may shut off their emotions or become withdrawn.
Parents who practice toxic parenting styles. Most people criticize Lorelai from Gilmore Girls because she was more of her daughter’s friend instead of her mother. Parenting is not an easy job and at times parents might practice parenting styles that affect their children negatively, these include; being emotionally dependent on your children, pitting siblings against one another, openly favoring one child, being too controlling or strict with your children, being emotionally absent or neglectful with your children, not appreciating your children’s successes and many more.

Children tend to be the most affected as they spend their formative years in a home that does not satisfy their emotional needs. Just like Nora some children may choose to shut down their own emotions to care for their siblings or parents in their home. Some might be like David, constantly scared and unsure of what is happening. Children carry the emotional wounds the hardest and longest and they might manifest them in the following ways:

Difficulty forming healthy relationships and friendships.
Taking on parental roles and lacking a childhood.
Psychiatric disorders such as depression, anxiety and panic.
Trouble trusting people and opening up.
Low self esteem.
Unhealthy coping mechanisms such as substance and alcohol abuse, people pleasing and being emotionally avoidant.
Getting and staying in toxic and abusive relationships.
Hyper independence that is being fully dependent even in situations where you should have help.
Codependency. This is a situation where one focuses on the other person at the expense of their own emotional state. They tend to put their own needs aside to cater to those of another person. The child might form codependent relationships where they are eager to please in order to prevent the other party from leaving by not speaking up about their needs or taking the abuse.

Many children do not open up about unhealthy family dynamics for various reasons; they may not realize the family situation is not normal, they may be ashamed of the family situation, they may feel the situation is not so bad and it could be worse so they do not complain or they might not have someone to talk to

It is important to be kind and patient with such children. We should create a space where they feel safe enough to open up and help them seek the help they need. We also need to educate teachers and those who work closely with children to notice the signs and ways they can help these children. We can also educate parents on healthy parenting styles and help them deal with their mental health or addictions in a healthy way so that they can be present parents. We need to break the cycles as most children who grow up in dysfunctional families end up creating dysfunctional families.

Eunoia(Episode 5)

Wed, 08 Mar 2023 09:38:45 GMT

Divine Feminity

Episode 5

Hello there; have you ever stopped to think how expensive womanhood is? Let’s do some simple math. Even before we get to the statistics of what you might consider luxury, like getting our hair done or make-up, which I honestly don't since every woman has the right to choose what to prioritize, Let me bring you to the basics, Menstrual health.

The average length of a girl's period is around four days. This, however, is different for everyone. I used the word average… simply because that is where a majority might fall under. One girl requires at least four sanitary pads daily, which is not for everyone since every girl is unique and their menstrual flow is different. The average girl will use around 16 sanitary pads in a cycle. If you have walked into a supermarket lately, you will understand exactly where I am driving. The average cost of a good quality pack of sanitary towels, with around eight pieces, is Ksh 80-150, depending on the brand. If I work with Ksh 100, I only drive around Ksh 200 for sanitary towels. This excludes other necessary costs, such as painkillers for girls with severe period cramps. I think Ksh 350-400 is the average amount of money any girl may spend, but this might not even be enough. If I illustrated when a girl chooses to use tampons…trust me, I'd shock you. What am I saying? If a girl chooses to use the most cost-effective item in the market, a pad, they only need a minimum of Ksh 350-400 for the essentials. If I use an economic scale, the monthly menstrual cost is equivalent to approximately 2, 2 kg packets of maize flour, around 4-5 liters of milk, or should I say 6-7 loaves of bread which a typical Kenyan household finds hard to afford. Do I have your attention now?

Recently, I bumped into a book by Janet Mbugua, My First Time, and I remember thinking Michelle, where has this book been all your life? In her remarkable book, Janet Mbugua brings together stories of African men and women who share their first experiences with the concept of menstruation and use their stories to remind girls like me that this is a normal and natural occurrence. Oh, and Yes! I said, men and women. Together these people use their voices and platforms to champion proper menstrual health management and fight period poverty. Very inspiring!

Like the beautiful women featured in this book, I remembered my first time reading it. Luckily, I was privileged enough to have everything I needed. Though my journey has not been the easiest, I am grateful I was able to acquire essentials back to the point. This book is a clear societal lens, and I, too, chose to use this platform to champion menstrual health management. It's high time we have this candid conversation with everyone on board, both men and women. There's nothing shameful about talking about the challenges experienced by girls during their time of the month. If anything, these stories raise eyebrows and shed light on one of the most urgent issues experienced by girls and women all over the globe, so much so that menstrual health is, as I recently found out, closely linked to the six of the Sustainable Development Goals that organizations around the world are trying to achieve. It’s a global issue.

So many girls and boys wrestle with this whole concept of menstruation. The girls' psychological, emotional, and economic changes come about with our experiences. For the guys, at least, I've heard the myths, the unsure stories they have heard, or the fact that talking about menstruation still seems weird to most of them. Whether it’s because our parents still make it seem like a "girl matter, " I don't know… but the reason I, too, like Janet Mbugua, choose to address this matter to both genders is because men, too, are at the points of legislation, meaning we need them to understand these concepts so that proper policies are implemented.

In 2017, Kenya signed a law to amend the Basic Education Act mandating the government to provide free sanitary towels to all girls registered and enrolled in public education. This, I must say, is a bold move aimed at alleviating the tendency of absenteeism among girls, especially when it is time for them to experience their menses. We've heard several stories of girls having to trade sex for sanitary towels, using pieces of animal skin feathers, especially in the marginalized parts of this country, and it is very commendable that several individuals and agencies have also stepped up to address this with urgency to end what in 2013; Citizen Tv in a news feature referred to as " Periods of Shame."

When I think of how hard it is for a girl in the 21st century to lack access to basic menstrual products, it's saddening and scary. Periods will often leave you feeling so confused and will often throw you into an inexplicable mood; most of us, if not all, will have to contend with period pains, and trust me, it's crazy, but it's a divine gift of womanhood, so we whether we like it or not it's here to stay, we must embrace it.

Accessing these products is hard for so many people. Period cramps will have you hating that you are a girl. Trust me! It's like you are trapped within your body; you can do nothing about it since it's all-natural and biological. Imagine how girls worldwide who cannot afford strong medical health care during these times feel. For some, it leaves one feeling a lot of nausea; at times, it's coupled with vomit; imagine having to go through all that every month unless you are pregnant. It is not as simple as many will make it sound. Girls out here go through a lot. Whenever they cannot get the money to secure these sanitary products, some revert to using tissue or old pieces of clothing which are not as absorbent…now imagine how psychologically traumatizing that is. How do they go to School, how do they play, how do they work? Whenever you are not wearing the right products, I am guessing there's always a constant worry…" What if it falls off?" that would be embarrassing. How many girls do you think to skip School on specific days of the month simply because they cannot afford menstrual products or are forced to stay back and nurse their period cramps? The figures are crazy!

We will not ignore what has been done, but we have a long way to go. Menstrual health is not all about sanitary towels; it is about the accessibility of medical care and the accessibility of clean water for purposes of hygiene; it's about stable sanitation moves to ensure proper disposal of used sanitary towels, which, if neglected, could be hazardous. Let's join these conversations!

After reading "My First Time," I sat on the stairs, grabbed my laptop, and decided to write my thoughts while taking coffee in my favorite mug. I, too, wanted to make girls feel normal. I wanted to use my platform to normalize this conversation. I have no idea what I am thinking, but we would know once we try; so, shall we? When I think about it, I named this blog Eunoia… Beautiful thinking! Here we go…

To all my queens:

Breathe, my darling, School might not exhaustively prepare you for being a girl, but the basics you'll get are important. No one will give you much detail, but I will try and make you feel normal. Your periods are an important transition in your life; embrace them. There is nothing wrong with vocalizing how you feel and asking for help from whoever is close to you. Whenever you’re in pain, take painkillers if you have to; find one that works for you because our bodies are different. When it’s that time of the month, stay hydrated. The loss of blood during your periods might leave you exhausted and weak in some cases like mine; even nausea can get to you…but you'll be fine. However, you might not feel like it is eating right. A balanced diet will help reduce the bloating but will help replace the natural sugars your body loses. I know cravings will be there, so don't be afraid to show yourself some love. It is okay. Don't be afraid to treat yourself, whether it's a nap, a spa date, chocolates, cake, or whatever it is that serves as a treat for you.

Dress comfortably, so you do not have to worry about staining your clothes, but even when that happens, it’s okay; I am sure you'll find the help you need.

If your period cramps are as severe as mine, stay warm. Hug that warm water bottle tight! If you can get the portable hot water bag, that would be a relief too. It's okay to feel sluggish during your periods; give yourself some time to relax. Go easy on yourself.

Hygiene is also very important. Make sure to practice safe hand washing both before and after a change. Our bodies will experience hormonal changes, so you should take better skin care. That pimple on your face should not make you feel less beautiful; it will clear soon. In my eyes, darling, you are art! Perfectly Imperfect.

I also read that one can also exercise! Not too intensively, though, just a few stretches. I won't lie; I am terrible at that, but we should try it.

Remember to be always prepared, especially when you are traveling. Several external factors also influence when your periods come. New environments and altitudes might trigger your periods. If you are one to romanticize your life as I do, consider creating your period kit. Mine has sanitary products of my choice, pocket tissue, a sanitizer, and a packet of glucose for my nausea as the essentials. I want to permanently add at least 3 bars of white chocolate to my period kit but my bank account! Oh, Lord! But okay, I know we’ll get there.

Be ready always to help out another queen, so whenever you notice a sister is experiencing some challenges, it's only right you are always ready to help. I have the best girlies in my life! My girls have helped me navigate my period cramps countless times, and every girl should have her squad. It's therapeutic!

Most importantly, feel free to seek medical attention. I recently discovered that there are so many conditions around menstrual health. So many people have fought silent battles with fibroids, ovary cysts, endometriosis, etc. No need to worry, baby girl; all these are treatable conditions. Your health comes first. Feel free to consult a gynecologist, especially when you don't feel right about something in your body. It might be scary, but trust me, I know exactly how scared you might be; I have gone through it all, but with the right support system and a little courage, get yourself checked, just to be sure. Do not overlook anything; pay attention to your body, it’s yours, and nobody knows it better than you do.

Feel free to try several sanitary products to determine what works for you. They might be a little different, but you never know. As I recently discovered, there are tampons, menstrual cups, and reusable menstrual pads! How interesting is that! If you love swimming, tampons are a great choice. Sanitary pads are absorbent, so that might be messy. I am also trying to understand how all these products work…but we'll figure it out. There's so much information to guide us in these books, journals, and clips.

I could go on and on about how best we can care for ourselves, but I may do that in another episode. I need you to know that you have all the right to feel however you want to about your periods… but remember, you, my darling, is a goddess! Periods are normal, and as soon as you figure out how to navigate yours, you'll be better than okay.

To the guys reading this, great job for reading to this point! I appreciate your intention to learn more about menstrual health management. You are what this society needs. Normalize helping a girl on her period where you can. Please do not be ashamed of grabbing her some painkillers, ensuring she tries to eat something, or even grabbing her sanitary products in an emergency. There needs to be a manual to this. If it is within your capacity, make her feel better. Make her feel normal. I have seen guys laugh at a girl who had stained her dress in a club and trusts me; there's nothing funny about that. It wouldn't hurt to tell her politely, and if you’re scared, it makes the situation awkward, as one of her friends to do it. If we cannot care for our ladies, society will be strained.

“When we invest in women and girls, we are investing in the people who invest in everyone else.” Melinda Gates.

Any honest man will tell you that they probably have not heard of any direct interaction with this concept of menstruation outside a biology class. It's perfectly okay; I wouldn't blame them for this. So many parents shy away from talking about these with the boys forgetting that they have sisters, female friends, girlfriends, and will be future husbands, fathers, and uncles… it is foreseeable that in their interactions with women, they might need a few guidelines.

If nobody will dare tell them, I, too, will. Every girl has the right to a safe period; try to create an environment where they can share their challenges. Please don't make them feel weird about talking about it. It is a normal and necessary process. Josephat Onchari's feature in the book; My First Time is very eye-opening. He breaks down how despite the myriad of issues that need to be addressed in terms of Menstrual health, most guys still feel ashamed to hold such conversations. Most fathers will say," Their mother will tell them.” In the 21st century? Really?

Stay educated, gentlemen, even with the basics. If you have a family, as Josephat puts it, it's high time we realize that menstruation is a basic, normal, and recurrent need. Whenever you encounter a woman in pain, don't feel ashamed to ask if there's any way you can help. If she asks for painkillers, go to a chemist, ask for bascopan, Pons tan, or any other painkiller recommended to you by the chemist if the lady did not specify. In case her periods catch her off-guard, don't be scared to grab her a packet of sanitary towels, and anyone who thinks it's weird for you to do that is very primitive in their thinking if you ask me. Do not be afraid to help out. It may seem very complex, but whenever you create a comfortable environment for such candid conversations, I am sure girls around you will enlighten you on how best to help. Do not hesitate to donate to programs set up to keep girls in School by providing sanitary towels. It's not a "Girls thing" is an “us” thing! Bring smiles to everyone everywhere, even in the smallest of ways.

Periods did not start yesterday; Let’s be honest with each other. It is here with us, so the best we can do is learn how to navigate it and its challenges.

In my world, no help is little help. Be kind and understanding, even as we champion the rights of all human beings in a course to preserve our dignity. If you eye fatherhood, don't be afraid to shed light on these issues when that time comes. Make your daughter comfortable, love and support her, make her feel enough, teach her to embrace her femininity and celebrate these milestones with her.

If you have a girlfriend, be a bit more understanding, her moods might piss you off during this time of the month, but she might be taking in more than you can imagine. Love her through her experiences, and be ready to help her out; if you can make her feel better with the things that make her happy. You know her. If you are close, show up for her, and remind her to embrace her femininity. Disclaimer, though, not everyone wants to see people when they are on their periods… check with your girl first, you don’t want to be on her wrong side, then blame me!

While reading, I came across a story I want to share with you. This story is of a man who loved his wife to bits! When her menses came, she asked him to get her sanitary products, but when he saw how small the pads and tampons were, he figured they would not be enough, so he decided to buy a whole packet of diapers! It funny how clueless he was, but his heart was in the right place. So, should yours, gentlemen.

To my future baby girl, I hope I get the opportunity to love you and take you through all you need to know about menses. I want to create an environment that allows you to voice everything you feel. I am financially stable enough to provide you with all you'll need during your periods. I want to give you all the necessary information so that you don't solely rely on random facts from the internet or what you'll hear your friends say to you. I want to be the one to guide you. I hope you can talk about this to daddy or me. I hope I make you feel beautiful and enough every day… Like the princess, you are already in my head and heart.

There's an American Indian Saying, “It takes a thousand voices to tell a single story" maybe I have not given details of my story today, but the stories I have read in "My First Time" have made me feel normal. Deserving. I hope you feel that way, too as you read this. Together we can bring the change we want to see. We can end period poverty just as Janet Mbugua remarkably puts it. If you lack the financial sanity to donate to a girl, worry not, I know you will be able to someday. We all will. But till then, let's work within our means… I will use my voice to make girls who are less privileged than I was feeling normal. I will remind them they are beautiful and that periods are perfectly normal. I will remind them to embrace their femininity and show themselves some love… because we are perfect in our ways, which makes life beautiful. Imagine if we were all the same; how boring is that! Our difference is the spice of life!... ‘The black pepper of all stews.’

I pray for a world that is unashamed to address such issues. I pray for a government that is consistent with its moves to improve the lives of its people. I pray for a day when sanitary products will be available for girls and women worldwide at affordable prices, if not free, just like contraceptives. I pray for a world where even those imprisoned, the disabled, and the hospitalized can access all sanitary products, including water, which is paramount for menstrual health hygiene. I choose not only to pray but to use my platform to share my thoughts on the matter and create awareness to find solutions.

Next time I will let you in more and share details of my story because I am not apologetic about my femininity. Let's protect our women and make their lives a little easier. Make our women feel important not just today but every day! All my love, Mburu.

Eunoia(Episode 4)

Sun, 01 Jan 2023 20:33:59 GMT

BREATHE

Episode 4

We’ve lost a few more, haven’t we? Friends, people we loved so dearly we could never have imagined our lives without. But what would I say to put your mind at ease? I’ll do my best to at least quote a bible scripture; ‘I see the tears in your eyes as it sinks in, the reality of them no longer being there setting in. Please don’t shed another tear in regret, it will only burden you, hold onto the good things and let the bad go, or else emotions will consume you.’ Emotions are the worst advisors; by now you should be aware of that. As my main critic puts it, ‘Put your mind over the matter.’ Yes, they still live in your heart, as they should, because truly, genuine LOVE never really dies; but lust, infatuation, and unrevealed attraction, are all things that over time rarely survive.

Okay let’s switch up the tempo, I’m about to jump out the window… you are, you were, and you will be the soul and air that I breathe… the heart and the love that I need… the blood that I’d dare bleed… These are just but a few lines he or she mentioned, or rather flattered you with. Most of these phrases loved ones use to charm each other with are cliché to me, I don’t know about you. Maybe you love them, I once did, thought they were cool, and maybe I would again, touché them. I may not be the best lover, caresser, or that dream ‘smooth operator’… but I guess I’m lucky enough to be surrounded by so much love that I know what love is; let’s debunk.

Love is effortless; it’s the fun times and the memories that we create together. Whether it’s singing on the side of the street or teasing each other without catching feelings. Love is unexpected; you have to open up your heart to receive it, otherwise, you might miss that it’s always been there for you. To juxtapose, I doubt it’s sought for… thus the essence of being unexpected. Love is accepting; you know it’s never dismissive, even if you’re a hot mess. Love is uncomfortable; it’s the ability to say sorry, even when sorry is not part of your vocabulary. Love is a beauty, that can never be denied… so here’s to letting go, and embracing love… all forms of love, whether romantic or platonic, you know them. Lest I forget, Love is an act of Heroism; heroism is not about earning accolades or even defeating villains; it’s choosing to risk everything for people, expecting nothing in return… that is love!

Look at risks as opportunities, opportunities to explore and get better; I accept making mistakes because I take risks, and believe me, I am not scared. So, chin up champ, don’t sulk because you lost a loved one, or someone stopped loving you… at least you took the risk of loving them. That is just the script we are living; it was never meant to be easy. It will only be easy and smooth for you once you die, that’s when every soul loves and adores you…don’t hate me for that, facts are sacred but opinion is free. You know better.

But we all need love; a solitary human being is a contradiction in terms, no man is an island as they say. We, however, have to embrace change, evolve, and get better… as it goes, mountaintops are small and the air is thin. We all want to reach the summit, but to survive, we have to adapt to the conditions…persevere. So don’t spend your time thinking of what and how it would have been; rather think of how it could be. Whatever you think about defines your mood. There’s more to life, and there’s more love you have not unraveled yet. Lest you forget, You, my dear, are the Prize! Don’t let the flame extinguish before you enjoy.

I hope that when you finally get to this nirvana I’m talking about, you’ll get the most open, genuine, caring, and most certainly committed forms of people, do not settle for less. If you are already there, count your blessings!

Nevertheless, no one knows you better than you know yourself. So, bring your own ball to the game – that way you make your own rules. There’s no manual to this!

So breathe deeply my darling, everything will turn out fine. May this new year remind you that you are deserving of everything good by treating you with the tenderness a soul like you deserves. Wishing you the grace to hold it all together and on the days things get a little harder...I hope you remember to breathe and look around you, there's so much love! Choose to see the light.

That's why this blog is named Eunoia right? Beautiful Thinking!

Eunoia(Episode 3)

Wed, 28 Dec 2022 21:53:48 GMT

Grave Drop Silence

Episode 3

Sunday. The exquisitely furnished and spacious house of the Lord is through the eye, delicious.

"Peace be with you," words of the 'man in white.' He is not a man up to surrender but the 'man of God' asking people to surrender their souls to the Lord. In the middle edge, among the people of the Lord, Njenga. He too, is a man of God, particularly after all human doors and hearts were shut on him. He is the present societal depiction of Chinua's Achebe's world. His, has fallen apart. A man whose grace had caught Grace and company is threatening to thread him to the grass, at least for now, while the dry soil too beckons.

His name at his area of locality, vaguely points out to a man of an astound character, associated with 'building' and truly, a decade before yesterday, he had an empire that has now fizzled out like the Doth-raki Calvary charge. Today, he builds castles. In a paradoxical satisfaction of his name, Njenga's world is crumbling. He was hit by this tornado, while trying to be 'a man'.

" I'm happily married, with two children and not much of a heavy net worth to my name but I float in the sea of men worth just about a million dollars," Njenga said on television in an interview, precisely ten years from yesterday. looking at him now floating in desperation hurts.

He, just like you an I, know that his palace did not turn into a pit out of a night's hard work of superstition. You would not rest in peace in his state, knowing that such an accomplished man, saw the bricks break in a blink to pieces, pieces of sorrow. Nothing much to his diagnosis in his glory days pointed to any acute illness. All along, he has been a well received son of depression! Love, ten years in it and all the flies are out of the basket!

He was too accomplished to come out stained. He was too sober to speak to ask for help. He was a man. His way from being a man to now hoping for manna and milk in the good land, was orchestrated by his heart. As an executive director to a big company and a man that knew men, through self will, denied himself a way out of his sorrows. He would not imagine looking sorry in front of the highly valued 'Nikons and canons'

He realized that his family became unfamiliar when he lost his Mumbi. The sons sought home far away from home without notice. In a palatial house, he was alone. Half a decade from ,yes, yesterday, He saw what only Job, The Almighty and authors of the Holy book saw. He was firmly detached and embedded to depression. You know who visits you after you only show up for work twice a week. Mr /Mrs. Letter that lights the fire. All this is displaying in his screen of thought as he tries to hold it up together and now, he can't even hold himself together anymore. He skid through the murram road of debts in depth using the small remnants only to remain with a bottomless self.

“Where were they and why couldn’t the sons aid him though?” you're asking. In their quest for a new home overseas, they didn’t manage to cross the sea. They succumbed to a sinking plane crash. Add that to his crashing world too. What shocks Njenga and I, is the fact that in this dark moments he decided to be man. But why? Society was that your knock?

He could barely allow the weak edges of his swords exposed. Before glory, his people had painted him black for 'not making it.' He didn’t want to see that sooth again.

He was just introduced to this House of God from where his pieces are trying to catch the ‘Peace of God’ In many days, today he will partake the body of Christ, a meal, and an ‘It’s okay to talk’ day pack. The long nailed society is of course now going to try and help him. Interestingly!

Through my lens, Njenga and his society are in that order, the first and second convicts of the damage. Sorry my lens was sharpened in a Law School. Having this in mind, I ask, Can we do better? Is it the techniques we lack? How do we create a safe environment for Opening up?

In prose I opine:

1. Create a safe, non-judgmental environment: Create an environment where men feel safe to speak about their struggles without fear of judgment or criticism. This can be done by actively listening to men’s concerns and validating their feelings. For example, if a man is struggling to talk about his depression, a friend can respond by saying “It sounds like you’re going through a tough time. I’m here for you and I’m here to listen.”

2. Provide resources: Offer men access to resources such as online mental health counseling and support groups. This can help men get the professional help they need without feeling embarrassed or judged. Online counseling also provides men with access to mental health services regardless of their location or financial situation.

3. Promote self-care: Encourage men to take care of themselves by exercising, eating a balanced diet, and getting adequate rest. Self-care helps men to manage stress and anxiety and can also improve their overall well-being.

4. Encourage positive coping strategies: Teach men positive coping strategies such as mindfulness and meditation to help them manage stress and anxiety. These strategies can be used to manage difficult feelings and allow men to process their emotions in a healthy way.

5. Educate about mental health: Provide men with information about mental health and the importance of seeking help. This can be done by providing men with resources and articles that discuss the signs and symptoms of mental health issues such as depression and anxiety.

6. Build a support network: Help men to build a supportive network of family and friends they can turn to when they need help. This can be done by actively encouraging men to reach out to their loved ones when they’re feeling overwhelmed or by connecting them with local support groups.

Sir, in the changing times of the world, ‘Every man for himself, God for us all.

Let us talk. And maybe, we can consider shading a few dings of the salty eye water if that too works!

Peace be with you!

Eunoia(Episode 2)

Fri, 09 Dec 2022 21:24:40 GMT

Grave Drop Silence

Episode 2

Silence! The weapon formed against us is certainly prospering. The silence is no longer deafening the ears but the heart as well. For eternity, the solution to our problems has been a "befitting" six feet of soil dug and an array of warming speeches. But isn't it befitting and warming enough to offer the listening ear when the hearts bleed the most?

Could it be that we design our six feet while we're still breathing? Why don't we speak out in times of distress? The biggest lie is : "Our volcanos are too dormant to vent" If so how does the lava become too heavy to even sustain love? In this piece, we articulate why men seal their vents with temporary earthly pleasantries from at least the time it rises from the East and rarely do they notice the setting.

Old has always been gold, but there really is no golden moment in the present world where men die carrying their crosses ! Society's old mentality is now clay. Society, in its entirely, does not allow men to come out and seek help when things get hard. Okay fine...people are trying to change the narrative... but is it really enough? We can do better than that! Overtime, men have been expected to hold it all together, to be the holders of supremacy in all ends of life...despite the evolutions from 'Habilis' to 'Doubled Sapien' , they have been denied the ability to come out and say it as it is.

Have we been too harsh? Are we continuously judging them from the size of their pockets and their ability to 'loosen' them? if any... Under that lens of monumental focus, men cannot be seen as weak. On all the good but few days the Lord has burdened man... is he still expected to be a hero? Lets be real. The nail of heroism cannot be nailed when the hammer chooses the cleaner nails and down-casts the rusty ones.

Again I dare ask... Who then is society? Society is our peers, our partners, our parents...we are society! Where then did we get these insane expectations? Who then will they confide in? Won't their faith shift from us? who they will trust is the next hopeless thrust. In these streets of... A man doesn't walk naked. We, his "own" people may blast it to all. Sad.

Times are changing and it's hard to to choose between silver and a silver lining. With the two being the same, we have hit the dead end of trust. Who wants to wake up in a world full of nakedness blasted by the ones they " trusted" the most? After eating the forbidden fruit, both Adam and Eve hid their naked bodies...though it seems like Adam ran first and fast!

We have a dream. The dream of a land full of elementary compassion, people with a less judgmental eye, a less spiteful tongue to our weaknesses and less toxic even to our ugliest stories. Help us turn this dream into a reality! Maybe then...our silence will breathe. Step up and allow everyone to vent, or forever be chocked by the lava.

We wouldn't want anyone chocking would we?

Eunoia (Episode 1)

Sat, 03 Dec 2022 22:07:11 GMT

Episode 1

He was feeling it all over again. Struggling to breathe, but he did not have much of a choice, or did he?

"Imagine being born and already being classified as a culprit who is most likely to commit sexual offenses. Men are already viewed negatively by society. The male child has an uphill battle ahead of him from the beginning in trying to change how people see him. The male child then grows and hits puberty. He learns about sex from the same men who are likely to be the perpetrators of sexual offenses. He is taught the way of the man so to speak. How highly men hold sex, it being the center of all their conversations, their world. Then come the girls, some of who take advantage of the male child's lowered esteem. In the eyes of the public, he is a sex-hungry individual who would be willing to indulge regardless. What then is he supposed to do when the societal lens is already biased? Talk? really! "

Take these two scenarios, he accepts and indulges. To his peers, he is a hero, to the public, a sex-hungry individual taking advantage of the girl, is he though? In the second scenario he refuses, to his peers, he has failed as a man, he is weak, to the girl, he has destroyed her self-esteem, to the public, he is a hero. How then, is he expected to act with all these societal expectations of him? This then gives rise to toxic masculinity where men want to be the strongest of the sexes therefore to them, women are just puppets and objects.

Did she really deserve it? What is the point of being a modest female in a society which has zero to no respect for the woman's body? A society where men have a lot to say about women and how they are supposed to behave. Very many girls and women have experienced gender-based violence and sexual assault in their lives simply because men don't wanna hear a no from them. For some of them, it is their own opinion that matters and not that of their female counterpart. This explains the rise in sexual assault cases against women because men think they are entitled to their bodies. To answer the question, she did not deserve what was done to her. The overwhelming experience still haunts her to date. Her cries are still fresh in her mind and she is afraid to talk them out. Women are oversexualized and that is the prime cause of all this.

Who then is society? It's high time we bring the soft chaos, the kind that is not disrupting but loud enough to imprint a change. A paradox has already been established and for a young person simply trying to develop themselves, prone to mistakes, with the desire to experience life in its fullest form, only God knows our fate.

But then again, are we ready for this conversation?